There is nothing like the presence of God you experience in times of prayer. Still, there are times it seems for some unknown reason we struggle to connect with God the way we desire. The Lord identifies one major reason in the Sermon on the Mount when He says “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” He goes on to say if we do not forgive others, God will not forgive us (Matthew 6:14-15). It is common to think of struggle as only what is happening around us but when Jesus is teaching about prayer, He makes us confront the struggle within us.

Of the many things Jesus could have addressed in His teaching on prayer, He made sure forgiveness was one. Unforgiveness is a sin that we might easily try to justify but having seen its debilitating effect on people, surely He wanted to disarm its powerful grip upon the heart of His followers. Even modern science stands with Jesus; a professor from Stanford University conducted a study in 2003 and concluded there is a direct correlation between forgiveness and a reduction in depression, anger, stress, cardiovascular disease, and pain. His studies also showed increases and improvements in hope, compassion, self-confidence, and immune response.

Forgiveness is necessary and even rewarding but not always easy to do. Everyone will at some point experience hurt by the words, actions, or lack of them from other people. Here are three reminders to navigate the pain and emotion to truly forgive like the Bible teaches (Colossians 3:13; Ephesians 4:31-32).

1. Know what forgiveness does and does not do. Forgiveness does not validate the wrong done against you. Choosing to forgive does not mean you deserved to be hurt or that the person who hurt you was right or even free from any consequence. Rather, choosing to forgive frees you from the grip of pain and emotion. It opens up your heart for God to begin the process of healing.

2. Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. You cannot wait to forgive when you feel like it because the feeling may never come. Forgiveness is a choice. Despite what you feel, you choose to not repay evil with evil (Romans 12:17-21).

3. Keep your focus on Jesus. Have you noticed how scripture frequently admonishes us to forgive others as Jesus has forgiven us? Forgiveness is easier when Jesus is our focus. Matthew 5:44 says to love our enemies and pray for those who hurt us. How can we do this? By looking to Jesus, who amidst pain and betrayal, did this on Calvary and can help us do the same. 

The devil gets the credit for a lot of victories he didn’t win. We’re all humans, with a carnal nature that wars against the Spirit. Sometimes the battle is around us, but sometimes it’s within us. If you find yourself struggling to receive from God in prayer, let the light of God into your heart and make sure unforgiveness hasn’t been hiding unchecked.